Divorce Solutions of CT» Professionals

Collaborative Divorce: Protecting The Family From Court Battles

dscwp0 — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 22:23:54 +0000

The collaborative process takes place in meetings with the goal of arriving at an agreement, called a separation agreement. With the help of collaborative professionals, the spouses decide how they will divide their marital assets, whether alimony will be paid from one spouse to the other (and if so, how much and for how long), and other divorce-related matters. If the couple has minor children, a postdivorce parenting plan will be developed and child support determined with the use of State child support guidelines.

The Collaborative Team may include not only attorneys, but financial specialists, divorce coaches, and child specialists trained in Collaborative Divorce. Some couples choose to use divorce coaches or financial specialists rather than attorneys as the primary professionals in their negotiations.
Science has proven that a person cannot think rationally or communicate effectively when emotions run high. If this happens during the collaborative divorce process, the wheels of negotiation begin to spin. The collaborative attorneys may choose to have the couple take a break, or to meet separately with their clients. Or they may suggest, and the couple may decide, to retain one or two divorce coaches to help them over the emotional or communication ‘hump’. This can save the couple money because the divorce coach(es) help the couple to move quickly past the sticking point, and to communicate more effectively during negotiations thereafter. If questions arise about the children and/or the parenting plan, the couple may choose to engage a child specialist who advises the couple about the needs and best interests of their children, and helps the couple to develop a post-divorce parenting plan.

When questions arise about dividing assets fairly, the spouses may decide to retain a financial specialist to help them organize and make sense of their financial information and to understand the long-term effects of their decisions. Unlike litigation, in which each spouse may hire a financial specialist to support his/her battle position, the spouses in a collaborative divorce retain only one financial specialist to help them with their agreement.

When the separation agreement is completed and signed, the couple presents it to a judge in court, along with financial affidavits and other required documents prepared during the collaborative divorce process. If the judge determines that the agreement is fair and equitable, it is incorporated into a divorce decree. The parents begin their post-divorce lives knowing that they have succeeded in making their own divorce decisions in the best interests of their children and themselves, rather than having those decisions made for them by a judge who knows little about their lives and their family’s needs.

DIANA L. INSOLIO
ATTORNEY AT LAW
Collaborative and Mediated Divorce
203-245-7909
129B Samson Rock Drive, Madison, CT
www.insoliolaw.com
dinsolio@earthlink.net

Divorce Coaches: Helping Protect the Divorce Process

dscwp0 — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 15:47:06 +0000

Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Divorce are becoming better known as useful and important options to consider when contemplating divorce. Both mediation and collaboration are ways of divorcing in a less conflictual and litigious manner. Both can help protect the children’s needs to have parents functioning at their best both during and after the divorce, giving the children parents who instead of being enemies, can ideally work together to co-parent. Both mediation and collaboration rely upon the establishment of a team committed to avoiding litigation and to developing a settlement agreement that is reasonable and works for the divorcing family. Depending upon the needs of each family, the team may consist of the divorcing couple, the divorce mediator or two collaborative lawyers, a neutral financial specialist, a neutral child mental health specialist and one or more divorce coaches. This article discusses some of the key aspects of the coach’s role.

The divorce coach is a mental health professional, but does not function as a therapist in the mediation or collaborative divorce process. Rather, the divorce coach is the professional who helps the divorcing couple better deal with what can be overwhelming emotion in order to facilitate the divorce process and avoid the negative impact of strong emotions on the negotiations. As such, the coach can help the divorcing spouses understand their emotions and separate emotion from thought and action so that the spouse does not inadvertently contaminate the mediation or collaborative process by reacting ineffectively to the strong emotions which are experienced.

More specifically, the coach can help divorcing persons:

Clarify their core values and needs related to the divorce
Safely vent their emotions (within the statutory and ethical limits of confidentiality)
Communicate effectively with the rest of the team (including their spouse)
View and evaluate alternatives they may not have immediately recognized
Avoid unnecessary conflict with other members of the team (including their spouse)
Build an infrastructure for the post-divorce family

The coach also serves as an on-going resource to the rest of the team, helping the team make sure it is working effectively on behalf of the divorcing couple and respecting the integrity of the mediation or collaborative process.

When divorce coaches are brought in from the start of the mediation or collaborative process they are available as a resource for each divorcing person to help promote a successful outcome and make the difficult process of divorce more bearable. A divorce coach can help protect your divorce process and thus facilitate a better outcome.

Jeffrey Zimmerman, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist
315 Highland Avenue, Suite 202
Cheshire, CT 06410
203-271-1990
drz@jzphd.com www.jeffzimmermanphd.com
[This article also appears on Attorney Lisa Cappalli's web site. Attorney Cappalli is located in Cheshire, CT]